I read a lot, like most people that must be on this site, and much by accident, this blog came to life and now here I am, creating this blog. I'm also on a bunch of other sites as well so you can find me on them by clicking the links.
I like to use gifs a lot because they represent my feelings towards books a lot. I've read through a lot of reviews and as a result, I view books a little bit differently than how I used to.
Oh I'm going to have fun with this.
This somehow managed to be worse than Twilight which is something I didn't think would actually be possible.
First, Bella whines about how she'll be one year older than Edward when the dude is what? 107-years-old? Congratulations to Stephenie Meyer for making it even more obvious that Bella is an idiot.
Let's skip to her birthday party shall we? Jasper almost kills the girl but Edward for some strange unfathomable reason decides to save her life and everyone groans in disappointment.
Let's stop here for a minute shall we.
How big is this paper cut? From the description in the book, you'd think it was the size of your forearm and bleeding like a waterfall. A paper cut doesn't bleed that much, in fact, paper cuts don't bleed at all (or, at least mine don't).
Second of all, if Jasper fucking attacks Bella because of a stupid paper cut, what does he do when girls are on their period in that high school. I know, it's not something that people want to think about but 1 in 4 girls are menstruating in a high school. How does Jasper control himself around girls on their period every day?
He'd be able to smell the blood wouldn't he? Logically speaking, there should either be a lot of dead high school girls or a lot of vampires at Forks high school.
But, then again, this is Twilight so fuck logic!
Edward decides to leave Bella and this girl goes dead inside because she relies on a man THAT much. Joy, more whining from Bella, just what I always wanted.
She starts to talk about some giant gaping hole in her heart that hurts and she won't fricking shut up about it. Thankfully though, Jacob comes along and becomes her emotional crutch. Poor Jacob.
Jacob is meant to be portrayed as an asshole (later on in the series as well) but really, he's the only character in this entire series that has any actual personality in him.
Bella decides to go dirt-biking or something like that and according to the book, she's going really fast, everything is just a blur to her, she can't really see where she's going. Then, she gets thrown over the handlebars, hits her head on a rock but she's perfectly fine.
If Bella is going that fast and then she gets thrown over the handlebars, she is not going to be okay, she isn't going to have a little bump on her head, technically speaking, if Bella was going that fast and then flew over the handlebars, she should be dead. She should have at least some kind of brain damage.
But because this is Meyerland and logic doesn't exist, Bella is perfectly fine. Jacob starts to act weird and it's understandable to be worried about him but Bella being the self-centered person that she is, thinks that it has to do with her when it doesn't.
Turns out, Jacob is turning into a "werewolf".
Except, instead of like an actual werewolf, Jacob can turn forms whenever he wants. That's not called a werewolf Mrs Meyer, it's called an Animagus.
Now, if I'm correct on this fact, I don't think that there are any wolves in the Olympic Peninsula, there are no wolves in Forks. I'm pretty sure there aren't any wolves, and if I'm right then when Charlie (Bella's dad) hears about these giant ass wolves, he should be seriously worried. But nope, it's all hunky dory with him, he's not wondering at all why there are giant wolves running around when there shouldn't be.
That's if I'm correct on the fact that is, I could be wrong.
For somewhere around two hundred maybe three hundred pages, I have to read about that gaping hole in Bella's heart that I don't care about.
In short, Bella jumps off of a cliff, Alice sees her jump off of a cliff, Edward is going to kill himself, Alice and Bella rush off to Italy to save him.
How did Alice steal that car in five seconds? Because even though these vampires are fast, at most, it would've taken a minute or two to steal a car but Alice just manages to steal one in point five seconds.
I'm still wondering why Alice hadn't lit up like a Christmas tree when they were in Italy. It's made clear that Alice and Bella are running around looking for Edward and that it's sunny but I'm wondering why Alice isn't lit up like a Christmas tree.
If you wish a slow death, I suggest you read New Moon. If you value your life and your sanity, avoid this book at all costs.