I have a book hoarding problem, they're pretty much taking over my entire house. Sometimes, when I'm not drowning in uni work I manage to actually read them. And when I do finish them, I usually have some pretty strong feelings related to them and y'all are gonna hear about it.
You may see the occasional gif to give more accurate representation of my thoughts.
I do not know how anyone could possible give these books a rating higher than 0.5 but it's amazing how people will surprise you. Let's start, shall way!
Zoey: Zoey was less infuriating and at the same time I've never hated her more. Why? Well let's take a look at some of the shit that she's spewed.
"Damien sniffed, looking offended and superior and gayer than he usually looked (even though his definitely gay)."
What the fuck does this mean? How does Damien look gayer than usual? We know that she isn't using gay as in happy because Zoey's intelligence isn't that high so we can't expect something like that from her.
"Everyone thought I was the lucky girl who had caught Erik after he’d escaped from Aphrodite’s nasty spiderweb (and by web, I mean crotch)."
I might as well just embrace the fact that I will never understand what this is supposed to interpreted as. The Casts keep bringing back this insult but I don't actually know how I'm supposed to take it.
“I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be.”
THAT IS A LIE AND WE ALL KNOW IT. ZOEY DOES AND THINKS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT SHE PREACHES! MY BULLSHIT RADAR IS ON FIRE! Who is Zoey trying to kid here? This bitch acts like she’s responsible for the very birth of the universe and acts like her word is law. Anything that is against what she thinks is right is immediately labeled as wrong and anyone who disagrees with her is immediately a slut or a ho. She expects people to kiss the very ground that she walks on and everyone who has read this series knows it! And even though she proves that she’s a hypocrite, everything that she says is slutty and makes you a ho is totally okay when she’s doing.
Yeah, Zoey definitely doesn’t act like she’s perfect.
She’s definitely not a hypocrite either.
I think that about sums up what I think of that quote.
But moving on from that, Zoey was even more hypocritical during this book which is pretty hard to imagine given how hypocritical she was in the last book. We have to listen to her bitch some more and for some reason she seems to really want to remind everyone that Damien is really gay. I feel like she thinks we haven't grasped that idea very well or something.
The most annoying thing was how there was this totally unnecessary love square brought into the story. It's not like it was awkward enough reading about Zoey attempting to have hot and heavy make out sessions with Heath and Erik, no, now we have to put up with her making up sexual tension between her and Loren that is not there.
The Cast duo don't know how to write romance properly, they were grasping at straws here when they introduced Loren. I did not for one second believe that Loren was coming on to Zoey. I thought he was being extremely creepy and pedophilic but not sexy.
She seems to be wearing the pants when it comes to the relationship that's going on between her and Erik. She only refers to herself as his girlfriend and the fact that they're dating whenever it suits her. Other times she just makes some poor excuse about how the two of them are not official as a way to justify the fact that she's being a horrible person.
I wipe my hands of Zoey, she is not going to be turning into a better person any time soon.
Damien: Damien has by the far the most fucked up and weird family there ever has been. What is going on with his parents? Someone explain this to me, if you were Damien's parents, would you be more worried about the fact that he's turning into a vampyre and could potentially die if he doesn't make the change, or would you be flipping shit over the fact that he was gay?
Even if I was a homophobic asshole, I would be more worried about the fact that my kid could potentially be dead at any point in time. Then again, I currently have a fever so I could be wrong here.
They keep sending him camping shit and Sports Illustrated in the hopes that it will turn him straight. Okay first of all, just because someone is gay/lesbian doesn't mean that they don't like camping or reading Sports Illustrated or doing whatever else you want to call straight or manly. Hobbies don't have a sexuality, it doesn't matter if you like vaginas, penises, both or neither, a hobby is a hobby. Second of all, I don't know if this is what the Casts think or how they think that teenagers think.
Shaunee and Erin: These two have been bathing in Eau de Desperation by the sounds of it and they're constantly wearing their bitchy pants. Aphrodite hasn't done anything bitchy in a while and she's been shunned by her friends, the last thing she really needs is two girls talking shit about her. And then there's the fact that they want to suck the dick of every single attractive male at this school. Not that there's anything wrong with that but you either actually suck their dick or tone down your lusting. I'm getting tired of them eye fucking every single boy that they see.
Erik: Erik wasn't even in this fucking book for the majority of it so I don't give a shit about him. I just feel sorry that he got stuck with Zoey Bitchface of all people.
Aphrodite: I actually feel sorry for Aphrodite. She's got parents that expect the best from her, the entire school is shunning her and doesn't want anything to do with her and Bitch Shaunee and Bitch Erin are rubbing salt into the wound. Yeah I feel bad for her, compared to everyone else, she's the only one that deserves sympathy at this point.
Stevie Rae: Stevie Rae is stupid and kind to the point of stupid. I don't know what the fuck is up with this girl but she needs to get her undead shit together. She's on her deathbed dying and she tells Zoey, the person that she has known for all of two months that she's her parents new daughter.
Excuse me, but what? You have known Zoey for all of two months and now you're making her your parents new child? How about Damien, why don't you make him your parents new child, his family is pretty fucked up as well. Aphrodite could work as well, her parents seem pretty shit. Anyone except Zoey seems like a great candidate for that spot. Even the flu virus is a better choice.
There was no plot, again. The Casts go on and on about this but there really is no plot. You could about 75% of the story out of this book and you really wouldn't be missing anything at all. In fact, I'm fairly certain that this entire series could be shortened to about three, at the most four books. Instead, there's 12.
Just think about that, this publishing house chose to publish these 12 shitty books when something much better and much more interesting could've been published instead.
Of course there was slut-shaming, how could there not be, this is written by the Cast duo, of course they're going to keep preaching about slut-shaming.
I sincerely hope that the Cast duo don't get on to tumblr, they're going to have a heart attack or something when they see all of the horny people on tumblr.
Zoey has the most bullshit excuses as well. She says that she hasn't read her sociology textbook because she's been so busy which is total bullshit. She has not been busy, she's just been freaking out over stuff that is really unimportant and has absolutely nothing to do with her. Like come on, everything that she's dealing with takes about a day to fix, she just doesn't want to deal with anything.
And then there was the whole part where she and her friends came up with an idea to save people on a bridge that was so fucking stupid it was sad. Aphrodite tells Zoey about a vision and Zoey and her friends think that it's a good idea to call up the FBI and tell them about a fake bombing just so that they'll block off the bridge and no one will get hurt. WHO DOES THAT! I get that they wanted to save everyone on that bridge but seriously, that was the best that they could've come up with?
And another thing, Aphrodite can't actually tell the future. No, she really can't. She can see the possibility of what could be the future, but she's not actually seeing the future. If she were, then everything that everyone did to prevent all of those people on that bridge from getting hurt, would end up leading to the people getting hurt. If Aphrodite was seeing the future then everything that she saw would be set in stone, nothing that anyone did would change the outcome of the future.
All in all, I guess it wasn't as bad as Marked so that's a bonus I guess.